I have to admit that I am feeling discouraged today. It is only 7 dpo. I found out at 8dpo with Landon which was still incredibly early. There is no reason to believe that I am not pregnant- I had no symptoms leading up to finding out with Landon, and only had a terrible head cold and fatigue for the first weeks after the positive test. We know exactly when I ovulated, we had the extra boost of Clomid, and we timed everything just right, so really, why wouldn't I be pregnant? But after trying for three years with Landon, it seems like that would be too easy. I've gone from being excited for all the good juju to being nervous that it is all jinxed now. What I know for sure is that people shouldn't have to suffer infertility and they shouldn't have to suffer miscarriages but to have to suffer both is absolutely beyond comprehension. I tried for years, I finally felt the relief of expectation, I lost my child and now I am back to trying and not knowing if it will ever happen again. Instead of feeling like we know I can get pregnant, I tend to think that that may have been our one shot.
And then I'm typing this and a Johnson & Johnson's commercial comes on and I find a little hope in myself. This journey is indescribable, that is for sure. The emotional roller coaster that comes with it the knowledge of the true "end game" is both haunting and inspiring.
I am on day 22. In another week or so, I should know for sure if I am carrying life inside of me. And all of my heart and soul hopes that the answer will be yes, and that we can move on to the next tiresome and awesome part of this journey- doing all we can to make sure that this next baby comes home happy and healthy.
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